A pair of  psychedelic pink shoes completes the getup. I'm wearing gobs of face paint, neon green thigh-high socks, rainbow bloomers and of course a big grin. "Look, she's a natural!" says Denise Janes, 49 president of the Clown Krewe Alley. Janes and other Clown Krewe members have just put me through a two-hour version of their seven-week clown training.

It was a crash course in makeup, magic, and, most important, confidence. By the end of the session, my butterflies are gone, I'm hamming in makeup, and fearlessly if not flawlessly, pulling  never-ending stream of
tie-dye ribbon out of a bag.

"Some people are basically shy and reserved", says Gail Hirst, 73, Clown Krewe vice president.
"But when you put on a costume you become a different person. "The full seven-week Clown Academy covers the ABC'S of clowning around.  (Corny puns are welcome when you hang out with this group) By the end of the course, students will have a basic skills to work a festival crowd or entertainment pediatric cancer patients.

Clown Krewe members will lead the class and help newbie's avoid common beginner mistakes. These include making a one-piece costume (hard to take off when you use the restroom. and not painting a red dot under your stick-on nose (because you'll never know when that thing will go bouncing down the hospital hallway or be ripped off by some grabby parade go'er.) And never give in when a group of teenagers say they want you to meet there friend. Chances are their petrified of clowns.

After completion of the course, students can join the Clown Krewe and learn skills like face painting, puppetry and creating  balloon animals, at the groups monthly meetings. Advanced clown classes include "how to pick your nose" a definitive guide to selecting the best red dot. You never stop growing as a clown says krewe member Janet Cahill, 63. The almost important lesson? Always remember your a clown. It's not easy. Even experienced clowns in the krewe have to be reminded not to flick off idiot motorists while driving in costume.

The Clown Krewe is a group about 20 strong three-quarters female. There loud, funny, and total hams.
Clowns are a pretty fun group to hang out with says Janes. They met through various clown networking methods, conversations outside hospital rooms, conventions and workshops. Last July, they chattered their alley (slang for a clown club) with the professional group Clowns of America International. Their one of a few alleys in America.

Members volunteer at festivals, parades and nursing homes. One thing I like, its not committing to being at one place every Tuesday at 2 a.m. says Hirst. The clowns come to the hospital armed with prop jokes. They'll
whip out a box of tissues with a smiley face. These magic clown tissues that dance, they tell the patients 
exactly how do you make these dance? You put a little boogie in it. says Janes.The gags are a hit.
"They forget they have an IV hooked up and a catheter in them. says Janes. All they ask is what
else is in their bag. For the clowns, entertaining  is a break from their own worries. Nothing takes your mind
off rising gas prices and homers insurance rates like making a kid smile. You make people laugh, but they give you twice as much back says the Krewe member Ann Snodgrass, 64.

By the end of the class, students will have hung around the crew long enough to create their own jokes and props. Stick a coil inside a bottle of water and you have "spring water" A pill vial with a miniature backless chair inside is a "stool sample" A picture of a snowflake Frosty the Snowman's elementary school photo.

You're going to start looking at thing through clown eyes Janes tells me. She's right. Several Krewe members were in costume during my crash course. Even in Hirst's air-conditioned dinning room, they needed extra fans to keep cool under all that makeup. I'm sweating it up in my blue wig and white gloves, I tell them I can see why they keep fanning themselves.

I try to form a C or a Y with my arms as I say it. The Joke's a total dud - the crowd loves it.

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